I started working out again. And by again I mean for the first time. It isn’t pretty. 

During a recent outdoor class, I realized my inner pep-talks are delivered mostly by an angry drill sergeant: ​“COME ON. PUSH HARDER. IS THAT ALL YOU’VE GOT?” 

Under this regime, grace is slim and judgment is harsh toward self and others. 

So I tried something new. 

I pictured Jesus under a nearby tree, smiling and calling out encouragements. As I received his kindness and practiced self-kindness, two things shifted. First, I worked as hard, maybe harder, but with less stress and tension. Second, tenderness increased toward those around me.

That’s a great little story, but maybe like me you’re a bit of a self-kindness skeptic. In this age of narcissism, shouldn’t we be focused instead on self-denial? Or better yet, self-forgetfulness?

Well, yes. But the road to self-forgetfulness is an indirect one. It first passes through self-acceptance by way of God’s acceptance. And, yes, we do well to deny ourselves destructive outward vices — so long as we also deny destructive inward patterns of self-condemnation and self-criticism. Both kinds of self-denial become easier when we know we’re loved by God and free to make mistakes.

Self-kindness is the topic of a new book by Cindy Bunch, who spoke with Nathan Foster on the Renovaré Podcast this week. In an excerpt on our website, she offers a simple way to put self-kindness into practice each day.