When I feel down, I’ll often compare my situation to others who currently have it much worse or historical worst case scenarios. My self pep talk goes something like this: ​“Get over it.”

This works about as well as you’d imagine.

While a strong dose of perspective is sometimes just the thing we need, author Fil Anderson notes that it is rarely healthy to ​“get over it” — things pushed down eventually come out sideways. We must instead enter into it and pass through it. And to do that, ​“it” has to be clearly named.

On the Renovaré Podcast this week, Fil talked with Nathan Foster about how many of us are grieving. There are varying levels of grief, arising from both monumental and mundane events — losing a loved one, losing a job, losing our rhythm of life. ​“It does not help,” Fil says, ​“to compare our grief to that of another… what is important is to name it and not try to contain it.” 

One of the best ways to name our grief — or any other interior state — is to write. Poet and author Luci Shaw offers much wisdom on the subject, and points us to Henri Nouwen: 

“…[F]or me writing is a very powerful way of concentrating and of clarifying for myself many thoughts and feelings. Once I put pen on paper and write for an hour or two, a real sense of peace and harmony comes to me.… After a day without any writing … I often have a general feeling of mental constipation and go to bed with the sense that I did not do what I should have done that day.”

A few years ago Chris Hall lost his good friend Tom Oden, and penned a number of reflections (like this one) as he grieved. The process was healing for Chris and beneficial for all of us who gleaned from his insights.

Jesus, thank you for being always available to listen and help us name what’s going on in our hearts, to listen and to heal us, so that undiagnosed pain doesn’t keep us from loving others well.