A good deal of shame results from our inability to respond well in the heat of the moment. Dallas Willard helps us understand what’s happening:

We cannot behave ​“on the spot” as [Jesus] did and taught if in the rest of our time we live as everybody else does. The ​“on the spot” episodes are not the place where we can, even by the grace of God, redirect unchristlike but ingrained tendencies of action toward sudden Christlikeness.

So what are we to do? ​“Train yourself for godliness,” Paul tells Timothy (1 Tim 4:7). This metaphor of the training athlete is often used for spiritual disciplines. Rightly so. But it’s worth noting that the metaphor carries an assumption: being well enough to train. For the wounded athlete, the wrong kind of training can harm. So it is with the spiritual life.

Christ offers us — through a living Word of Scripture, through Spirit-led counselors, through listening friends, through time alone with him — both healing for our past and training for our future.