This morning I awoke dark-early to get ahead on work. A short time later my six-year-old son stumbled out of bed to find me at the kitchen table. Lately, a fear of being alone grips him at night unless mommy’s or daddy’s face is visible as he drifts off. 

I was frustrated at him for waking up early and being too frightened to return to bed alone. I was frustrated at myself for being frustrated.

We made a bed on the couch and he drifted off listening to me type into my digital journal, tap-tap-taping until vague feelings and muffled internal dialogue became defined: I was blaming myself for his fear.

Up to this point, my gaze had been down and in. With this discovery of self-blame, I sensed an invitation from God which indeed had been there all along: turn your gaze toward Me. 

This kind of turning, you see, is a difficult movement. Not because condemnation awaits but because mercy does. Not because you won’t be met with eyes of love but because you will.

Letting yourself be loved when you feel unlovable is a crucial inward movement. It is, paradoxically, when you forget about yourself. Because in that moment you agree with the truth that the love of God is greater than your shortcomings. 

Thomas Aquinas describes contemplation as a simple, unimpeded, penetrating gaze at the truth. And the longer you gaze at the truth, the freer you become. In a classic article recovered from our archive, Bill Vaswig helps us further understand contemplation and bring it down to earth.

May your soul gaze today at the God who loves you,