Helping Children Sleep

Sleep is for our good

Once, when I was ​“casting my sorrows upon the Lord” about a stressful situation, I very distinctly felt God respond, Go to sleep, Grace. 

It was not an audible voice, but the impression came with those specific words. And it had a specific tone — not angry or bossy, but marked by a parental firmness and kindness. God knew what I needed. In my mental wrestling I had grown weary, but I was resisting sleep. 

When we face challenging circumstances we often reason with ourselves ​“there’s no time for sleep at a moment like this!” But these are precisely the moments when we most need to release anxious thoughts and to experience the restorative gift of rest so that we can think, cope, and see things as they really are. Sleep reorients us to God’s perspective. 

Like our other most basic physical needs — food, water, shelter — sleep reminds us that we are humans, not machines. We cannot go, go, go. Each return to sleep is a chance to embrace the humbling reality that there is only One who ​“neither sleeps nor slumbers.” (Psalm 121) So sleep is a small act of surrender to being human and not God. 

Even Jesus, who is God enfleshed, surrendered to all the conditions of human biological life, including sleep. If the Son of God was not too busy or too self-sufficient for sleep, we can be sure that sleep is good for us, as well— not an unfortunate part of our biology that we should try to overcome. 

Sleep is a gift from our trustworthy Father that is for us. 

And of course, that gift extends to children. ​“Everybody Sleeps” was a song on Sesame Street when I was young. I vividly remember the montage of young people, old people, families, and even animals catching Zs. The variety of examples drove home the point. Everyone sleeps, and sleep is good for us. 

Often we focus on sleep’s biological benefits for little ones. It impacts mood and mental health. It is key to creativity and focus. It affects appetite and energy. All of these benefits and more are important for kids. But sleep is important for a child’s spiritual health as well. Body, mind, and spirit are woven together in God’s design for human souls. The perspective-shifting, anxiety-soothing benefits of sleep that adults experience are also crucial for our children.

Sleep is an act of faith

When our kids were little, they didn’t always go to sleep easily. At age two, our oldest told us one morning — in all seriousness — that she had stayed awake all night. She had scary dreams and a vivid imagination, so it was sometimes hard to help her enter rest. 

An interesting image of peaceful sleep comes from the story of the disciples and Jesus crossing the lake in a boat. A violent storm comes upon them, and the disciples — well-seasoned sailors and fishermen who didn’t scare easily — were terrified for their lives. Meanwhile Jesus is napping on a pillow. His friends are outraged that he could be sleeping at such a time. ​“Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?,” they ask. (Mark 4:38, NIV) After settling the storm, Jesus asks his friends ​“why are you afraid, you little-faith ones?” 

Jesus is not insensitive to our fears. On the contrary, like a mother soothing her child after a nightmare, he wants to bring us back to the truth that we are safe and well. He wants our ​“little faith” to grow into deep trust. 

Sleep isn’t the only opportunity to exercise faith, but it’s a significant one. 

What might it look like to support a child’s growing trust in God with our approach at bedtime? 

Every child and every family will face a unique set of sleep challenges. Bad dreams, strong wills, potty training woes, noisy environments, and difficult family schedules. These challenges threaten to diminish sleep’s sacred portion. But every family can take small steps to nurture a sense of safety. 

Parents and caregivers can use words and actions to reassure children that they are safe in God’s care, even while they sleep. Bedtime routines are not empty rituals. They create a sense of stability and can open up space for moving into sleep with more awareness of God’s presence and love. 

• Wind down. A good bedtime routine begins by creating a calm, quiet atmosphere. Winding down is something helpful for people of all ages — slowing down our bodies and embracing nighttime’s stillness. We have always loved reading books to settle down. We used to read aloud to our kids every night, and we still do sometimes, though they usually read on their own now. Other ways to soothe and settle down can include a warm bath, telling kids a story from when you were a little girl or boy, giving them a backrub, singing, and letting them pick out which stuffed animals to bring to bed. 
• Reassure kids that they are safe. There are many little ways to help kids feel secure — a blanket, a nightlight, a song before bed that reminds them you are near. The part of the brain that’s concerned with self-preservation and survival must relax in order for kids to fall asleep. This isn’t only true for babies and young children. (Have you ever tried going to sleep in a situation where you were scared?) For older kids, reassurance might look like reminding them you’ll just be down the hall, hugging them, and praying with them. Predictability and routine add a sense of safety and stability for all ages.
• Guard against anything worrisome or not restful. Steer clear of scary stories. Do not allow kids to bring devices into bedrooms. The light from digital devices sends wake up signals instead of calm down signals to our brains. And internet-connected devices are often portals to social drama, intense news, addicting games, and nagging reminders about schoolwork. Logging off well before bed and barring these things from the bedroom helps kids drift off in peace.

Turning toward God’s presence 

The most reassuring thing any child or adult can know is that we are never alone. God is here. And laying ourselves down to sleep is a beautiful opportunity to reconnect with that reality.

In his book Hearing God, Dallas Willard speaks tenderly of a young boy who wants to know that his father’s face is turned toward him as he goes off to sleep. A parent’s loving gaze has a powerful effect on our sense of well-being. Our heavenly Father’s gaze is the most reassuring of all, and we can trust it is always turned toward us.

Many families have a habit of nighttime thank-you prayers — an inventory of the day’s good things followed by a thank you to the Source. This is wonderful — so don’t stop! Gratitude prayers cultivate an awareness of God’s goodness. 

But another important part of developing faith is cultivating awareness of God’s nearness. Otherwise, the gratitude prayer can feel like sending a thank you note to outer space. 

So here’s a new twist for your bedtime prayer routine: To help kids sense God’s presence and feel his gaze, pray in a way that invites God into the room. Of course we don’t need to ​“call down” God from afar to be with us. God is already here. It’s our own attention and awareness that needs to be recalled to his presence. Starting a prayer with something as simple as, ​“I’m glad you’re here, God,” helps turn a child’s attention to meet with God’s gaze. To invite children further into this connection, you can say, ​“God, we know you are here, so many things remind us: the quiet rain, the puppy breathing, this warm bed…” Then ask your child ​“Would you like to say something that helps you remember God is here?” Pause and give space for their contribution. If they choose not to speak, that is ok. Make a habit of this kind of prayer and they might decide to join in eventually. 

A rich variety of prayer forms can help you and your kids turn toward God at bedtime. Here are a few you might want to try:

• Repeat a written prayer often and help your child learn it by heart (see Tish Harrison Warren’s Little Prayers for Ordinary Days).
• Pray a blessing for your child, and allow them to bless you if they would like. A blessing is a prayer where you voice to God the good things you hope for the other person. You can make up an original one, or use one of the traditional benedictions from scripture, like The Lord bless you and keep you; The Lord make His face shine upon you, And be gracious to you; The Lord lift up His countenance upon you, And give you peace. (Num 6:24 – 26)
• Make the sign of the cross on a child’s head or hand and simply say, ​“God be with you while you sleep, Henry” or ​“I love you so much and God loves you too, Charlotte.”
• My friend Viv suggests this silent prayer method for groups or families: Hold hands in a circle. Someone volunteers to start and prays as long as they like, silently. When they are done, they squeeze the hand of the person next to them, and so on, all the way around the circle. 
• Sing the Doxology or another prayerful song. We do this fairly often, and find it is a wonderful way to turn to God and praise him as we settle down for the night. 

“I will both lie down in peace, and sleep; For You alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.” (Ps. 4:8 NKJV) Like Jesus’ lesson for his friends on the boat, David’s psalm acknowledges that sleep is an act of trust in the active presence of God. We do not know what may happen to our bodies while we sleep, but we can rest assured that God is with us and our eternal well-being is safe in his hands. This might not sound reassuring… After all, physical safety is pretty important! But the truth is that we are never much in control of that anyway. Worrying about it can’t add one minute to our lives. 

When we surrender ourselves to rest or help our children fall asleep, we have the opportunity to practice an awareness that we want to mark both our waking and our sleeping — a continual turning toward the One who is always with us and a non-anxious trust in his care.